Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I need a burrito and a hug.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
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