She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
