I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I look better un-naked...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
