listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
honey bunches of taint.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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