I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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