Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
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