I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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