plz talk dirty to me
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
