Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
