When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
