is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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