I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
