I have demons in me.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
