Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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