When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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