So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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