We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
