I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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