you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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