dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
