i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
