ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
