they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
