But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
