Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
no, he came in my armpit
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
