Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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