Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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