I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
