i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
