Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
