Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
