I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
