That's intense
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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