i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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