I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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