My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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