I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
