The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
