The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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