I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
