i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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