WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
