You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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