ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
