i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
