This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
