My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
