I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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