My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
