Ambien. No doubt about it.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
